How to Make Good Guac

Often when I go to a restaurant and get guacamole, I'm disappointed. I don't know if it has to do with my tastes versus everyone's tastes, or if we've all just agreed to accept and pay for a sub-par version of something that's actually really easy to make. Let me show you what I mean.

Here's what you need:

4 avocados
2 medium-sized tomatoes, seeded and diced (about 1 1/2 cups)
3-4 cloves of garlic, chopped
1/2 medium onion, finely chopped (about 3/4 cup)
1/2 jalapeno pepper, finely diced (about 1 Tbsp)
1/8 tsp cumin
1/4 tsp salt
juice of of 1/4 lime
cilantro to taste

Here are the rules for guacamole:

1) CHUNKY! For the love of Pete, don't overmix it. It's not a paste; it's more like an avocado relish (which is actually how Rick Bayless refers to it in his book Authentic Mexican. It needs texture. Making it a little chunky means you'll get different levels of all the flavors in each bite. It's less uniform and more exciting.

2) NOT TOO MUCH SALT. Oversalting is a problem all over the place, but in guacamole it's a cardinal sin. Avocados are buttery and rich; oversalting the guac is going to drown out that flavor.

3) RIPE AVOCADOS ONLY. If you can't get ripe avocados, either buy unripe ones and leave them in a paper bag for a day or two until they soften up, or don't make guacamole. It's that simple. Working with avocados is like working with bananas. You want them at just the right amount of ripeness so that natural flavors have peaked. I know most avocados at the store have "Ripe Now!" stickers on them, but more often than not it's a lie. How do you know if an avocado is ripe? Squeeze it gently. If the flesh yields to gentle pressure, you're in good shape. If it yields too easily, though, leave it alone, because it'll mush up too easily in the avocado and then you'll be breaking rule number one (plus they avocado will likely be brown or black in places, which makes for a less-than-appealing finished product). But if it won't yield at all, it's not ripe enough to use and you should keep digging around to find a better one.

Obviously when we're dealing with fruits and veggies, size is going to vary, so the amounts I give in the ingredients list are going to be approximate to some extent, and anyway you should adjust things to your taste. Some people don't want a lot of raw onion, some people are stupid and hate garlic. Some people don't want their guac to be spicy. Do it how you like. After you make it a couple of times you'll get a feel for the overall amounts of each thing you want in there.

Putting it together is easy. Cut up your tomatoes, onions, garlic and jalapeno and toss them in the bowl. Texture's super important, so make sure: in order of size, biggest to smallest, it should be tomato, onion, garlic, jalapeno. Cut the jalapeno as small as you can; it's the one thing that we want to minimize the presence of, so that it's more of an undertone to the guacamole and doesn't detract from or overpower the main ingredients.

Then add your avocados. If you've never used avocados before. cutting them up is pretty easy. Just cut them in half longways. There's a pit in the middle (which you can see in the background of the shot below), so you have to do a long cut all the way around it and then pull it apart:

I like to put one of the pits in the middle of the bowl of guacamole at the end, but you don't have to.

Scoop or squeeze out the avocado flesh into the bowl.

Mix it gently. You want to keep the texture chunky, so don't mix it to completion, because we've still got to add the cumin, salt and cilantro, so it's gonna get mixed a little bit more after this go-round.

Give it a taste. If it's just going to be used with chips, use one of the chips to taste it so you get a sense of how much salt is on them and how much you need to add. The 1/4 tsp of salt I list in the ingredients is more of a guideline or an average based on my experience. If you're using saltier chips, you'll want to cut it down a bit. The salt should accentuate the sweetness of the avocado and the earthiness of the cumin, not overpower it.

Go ahead and add the salt, cilantro, cumin and lime juice and give it another quick mix. Taste it again (and again, and again if you're me) and adjust your spices accordingly. Then you're all set. You've got guacamole. Finally you'll have friends (maybe)!